I had been hoping to post my latest blog post from home with my new Internet connection and Mac book pro, but my connection date has been pushed back another week. Again. As such, I'm typing this at the Internet cafe where I have spent half my stay in this country. Before we start, I would like to warn you that when fatigued, I do slip into the third person (just like Caesar!)
THE RAVEN
It had started a fortnight ago, increasing in frequency and quantity outside Blake's apartment. A bird had been making nocturnal visits to his porch and shitting on the stairs, like it were some kind of new Volkswagen. This was especially galling for Blake, as one of his neighbours had bought a new Volkswagen which was still clean. He swore a vow on his parents graves (currently empty, thank God) that if he ever caught the bird in the act, he would kick it so hard that it would be crapping out of its mouth from then on in.
Summer in Japan brings rain and lots of it. Creatures that normally lurk in ponds or in the walls hop and slither out of the woodwork on to the streets and into houses. On the way home one night after a heavy downpour, Blake encountered a large cockroach at the bottom of the stairs. On closer inspection with his glasses it turned out to be a small frog (cockroaches, at this point in time had not evolved webbed toes and the ability to hop). Climbing over the frog so as to leave no chance that it might be crushed underfoot by his shoes, he climbed the stairs, little knowing that his arch nemesis lay waiting at the summit.
His eyes downcast for more frogs, Blake nearly stepped on the huge Raven that had been watching him as he acceded. He stepped back in shock and nearly fell down the stairs in his haste. The Raven did not move. Remembering the oath on his parents' grave but in reality to scared to do anything very mean, he shouted at the bird in order to scare it off. The Raven did not move. He tried stomping in front of its face, but the Raven only took two steps backward. Feeling that something more direct was in order, he tried nudging the bird with the side of his shoes as if the bird were some kind of soccer ball. The Raven moved to the side but would still give no ground. Patience worn tissue-thin, he took a step back and with one mighty punt knocked the bird over the side of the railing. It could easily have flapped its wings and flown away. As later experience would show, there was nothing wrong with its wings. But whether through laziness, spite or disorientation, it choose to hit the ground without even a small forlorn cry of 'Nevermore!'
Blake looked over the railing, but the Raven was already on its feet, waddling over to someone else apartment under his balcony. Glad that he hadn't killed the accursed thing and hoping that the bird wouldn't bother him again, he went inside. Later that evening, Blake went to take out the unburnable garbage for next days pick-up. Much to his surprise, the bird was still there, waiting by someone else's door. Surprised that it still hadn't taken the hint, he started yelling at it to sod off.
But the Raven did not sod off. Instead, it started waddling towards him. In its eyes was something unbirdlike. Something determined. Something more scary than 'The Ring' and thoughts of John Howard's sex life put together. With a beat of its wings it was in the air and heading straight for him, beak open and eyes glinting in the streetlamp light. Dropping his garbage, Blake ducked under the bird and ran.
For the rest of the night, he paced his apartment with scotch and coke in hand, mulling the situation. What the hell was with the Raven? Was it someones pet, or a mythical Japanese creature? What was he going to do if it was still outside the next morning? Worse yet, what was he going to do if it got into his apartment while he slept?
It was a long night with little sleep.
The next morning, he opened his front door a fraction and looked around. The accursed Raven was no longer there. Greatly relieved, Blake stepped outside... into the newly smeared bird crap right outside his front door
FIN
-Blake
